I will die if light touches me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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