I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
