you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
