Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
