U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
