it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
