All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
