dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
