He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
