I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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