at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
