If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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