Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
