On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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