so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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