ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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