our cab driver is having phone sex.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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