There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
