Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
