but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
