just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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