wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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