I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
