I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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