I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
