is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
