Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
