I hope mine doesn't look like that
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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