do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
