I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
