i permit you to call me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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