We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
