My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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