I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
