So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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