i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
