Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
