so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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