Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
