I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
