well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
