I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
