my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
