Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
