last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
