Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
