She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
