There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
