I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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