My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
