how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I need moral support for this bender
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
